He dreamed last night he heard again
her dreadful sobs and cries of pain,
her footsteps on the wooden floor,
the handle turning in the door, the lifted chain.
When morning came he braved the room
and entered with a sense of doom,
but dappled sunlight chased away
his heartache, and each healing ray dispelled the gloom.
The mantel clock ticked softly on
she’d left her note there and was gone,
her picture still adorned the shelf
and smiled at him despite herself, the fragile one.
The image stirred a memory fond,
He walked out to the path beyond
the open door, the glistening snow
brought cleansing, showed the way to go, how to respond.
The ancient oak within the wood
called out to him, he understood.
Their carved initials in a heart
declared that they would never part, entwined for good.
The peace he craved came with the noose.
He climbed the rocks and kicked them loose
And now her troubled spirit claims
his soul, and draws it to the flames, they have their truce.
his soul, and draws it to the flames, they have their truce.
© Marilyn Brindley
I discovered a verse form called 'The Florette' (created by Jan Turner) at Shadow Poetry Resources. The Florette consists of two or more four line stanzas and has a rhyme scheme a,a,b,a, Meter: 8,8.8.12.Like the outgrowing of a small flower, the fourth line of each stanza is longer, and enwraps the previous lines. Line #4 requires an internal rhyme scheme that rhymes the eighth syllable with the end of line #3, and continues to add on four more syllables than the other lines so that the fourth line ends rhyming with lines #1 and #2. I do reish an extra challenge and I really enjoyed wrting this.
Taking part in 'The Mag' courtesy of Tess Kincaid, who gave us the image above by Andrew Wyeth, to stir our creative juices. Join us there to see what other contributors made of the image.
Excellent, you've successfully met the criteria, even with the 16th line, which I had to read 3 times! Lovely storytelling.
ReplyDeleteYou rocked this one! Great job.
ReplyDeleteNice poetry form...I enjoyed the storytelling of the ill-fated lovers, though with the noose, its a bloody way to entwine for good ~
ReplyDeleteAs a purely cold, dry, pedagogical critique, I'd have to say - remarkable!
ReplyDeleteshivers....what a darkness in this one...the memories haunting until you can take no more and find the end of yourself...
ReplyDeleteI wasn't expecting the noose at the end...chills...
ReplyDeleteThis is fantastic both in form and function Little Nell.I so love your Florette.
ReplyDeleteThe rhyming scheme accentuates the tragedy, kind of like in the poem, the Highwayman. Beautifully composed. Thank you for sharing this. Bravo!! =D
Shocking, but well done.
ReplyDeleteReally enjoyed this, Nell. Thank you for introducing me to the Florette.
ReplyDeleteI love this, new to me, poetry form The Florette and will try it out for sure. Thanks for that Marilyn.
ReplyDeleteYour poem inspired by the photo is just stunning, imagery, rhyme, rhythm, what more could we want? Your joy in writing it is reflected off the page :)
Was little surprised at the end, too drastic an ending! Nicely done on the florette.
ReplyDeleteHank
sad,sad,sad...
ReplyDeleteReally like the form...and my! what a chill you've brought me..excellent!
ReplyDeleteOh my this was marvelous, and I'm hoping to find a moment to give this wonderful idea a try at it myself. I love a good mix of writing in new ways, it's like bringing new life to old words. Your character's voice here could be speaking of my own characters actions in my piece. It's quite fitting! Also, since you are such a pro at this Magpie tales, is my posting on Monday too late do you think?
ReplyDeleteI love formatted poetry, something with structure, and this one is quite interesting. Well written, it tells a story and flows nicely.Very well done!
ReplyDeleteI listened to George Harrison's Something today, this internal rhyming while the line continues can work very well indeed.
ReplyDeleteSomething in the way she moves
Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way she woos me
Somewhere in the way she smiles
That I don't need no other lover
Something in her style that shows me
Something in the way she knows
All I have to do is think of her
Something in the things she shows me
I love this form and enjoyed your agile use of it.
ReplyDelete=)
Wow Nell, this is great , so refresgingly dark, for some reason it triggered a memory in me of a song by " Tito and Tarantula" called " After Dark" , thanks a lot
ReplyDeleteIt must have been the note she left!
DeleteWonderful Nell - sad and unexpected end though...
ReplyDeleteAnna :o]
A chilling write Nell! :-)
ReplyDeleteLovely form of story telling which you've done very well. I had a sense of doom early on but wasn't sure what it was going to be.
ReplyDeleteYou took on the challenge of this form ~~ mastered it beautifully.
ReplyDeleteThere is a fine rhythm that sits rather well with the darkness of the sentiments.
ReplyDelete